Thanksgiving 2019

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The month of June came around and the Texas Legislature adjourned Sine Die. The parties were thrown, and the hangovers were earned. I made my exit about 11PM and got home soon after. I slipped in the shower to wash the remnants of session off, took off the make-up I had used as a mask for so many months and found my cold bed to crawl into and sleep.

Then I woke up. In the first moments of waking it occurred to me: I had a new life. A life I did not know, I did not recognize and one I did not understand yet.  The final days of session include some hallway lobby banter about getting our lives back, getting back to normal life. I stayed silent during that banter and during those waking moments I realized Sine Die brought me a life I did not recognize. I did not get back to normal but needed to create a new one. My world was safe when I was in work mode. I know how to mother and delegate and get things done but when the “get things done” part takes a break in the schedule my world fell apart and I had no idea what to do.

In the time of six months Hunt and I had divorced, sold a house, bought two houses, divided and moved our belongings into our new houses that did not have the others familiar fingerprints on them. We did it under the guise of the session and all the stressors that brings, two beautiful and willful kids, therapy for all of us, school and end of school year BS. And there I was, waking up.

I walked into a new day wearing my heels and my lipstick with my head high and my brain clouded with so many what ifs, and how will I’s, it was hard to conjure a coherent thought.

I dug deep, I returned to my faith and struggled to remember who I was and who I wanted to be… they weren’t exactly the same person. The distance between the two can be painful to reconcile. Distance of all kinds can damage hearts and minds and it can alter behaviors…. it did mine.  

For the first time in nearly 17 years I was alone. Divorce is a gut punch. Slowly I started to gain back some confidence. For example, picking a living room couch seemed daunting until a friend stepped in and saved me from the chaos. Slowly, my house became a home.

Today things are clearer than they were. My faith is stronger, and my life is a bit more focused, and I finally feel some peace. Hunt and I remain close, the kids are adjusting, and we remain dedicated to being a family; a broken one but aren’t they all?

Tonight, the kids are with their dad after spending the first part of the week with me. I am in a moment of reflection and one of Thanksgiving. God bless this mess of goodness and headaches I call life and all those that share in that mess and help cause it.  

  

Palms Up

The month of February was one of self-reflection and healing for me. My reading list was focused around faith-based books. I found Loves Does by Bob Goff and highly recommend it. It was in this gem I learned the practice of “Palms Up”.

You simply cannot be upset when you sit with your hands palms up on your lap. Balled up fists and crossed arms builds up angst, anxiety but staying palms keeps you open to giving and receiving openly. I used this practice during the mediation process Hunt and I entered into as part of our divorce.  It worked. Divorce can be ugly, it can be messy; it is our intent to not live that reality. We are entering this new chapter of our lives “palms up”. I invite you to do the same.

Redefining Our Family

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Today Hunt and I filed for divorce. We made this decision together a few months ago but wanted to finalize the sale of our home before we filed.  We have been married 16 years. 

First and foremost: the kids are okay. We told them soon after we made our decision and they took it very well. After the tears and hugs we all went to eat dinner together and talked about the future with smiles and hopeful thoughts.

Second: Hunt and I are okay. We are happy and content. We are friends and have each other’s best interest at heart. We truly do. There is no drama or angst.

I am the one who did the actual filing. I printed off the papers, signed three copies for the court and walked to the courthouse. I stepped to the district clerk window and handed in the papers. She looked back at me, “It’s uncontested?”, she asked surprised. I responded yes and took a seat awaiting further instructions.

There were two other women in the waiting area. One was obviously a lawyer in a skirt with a briefcase and sensible heels. The other woman, her client, was an older woman who wore her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She was dressed nicely and without make-up. I gave her a simple smile and she stared back at me with tears streaming down her face. The tears didn’t stop when she looked away from me and stared straight ahead.

I realized again how lucky I am to have Hunt by my side in this new journey and not on an opposing side. They called my name and I was directed to go upstairs to another office to finish the filing. I looked back at the unknown woman and walked to her. I touched her folded hands and told her I would pray for her. She looked up through her tears and said, “thank you and I for you”.

Twenty minutes and a check later the paperwork was filed. The county employee was kind and empathetic as she explained next steps and instructions. Our divorce is final in 60 days. We will see the judge on the 61^st day to complete the process.

I called Hunt as I left the courthouse. Now it was me with the tears in my eyes and a lump in my stomach. We talked and assured each other we will be okay. It sucks but it is what it is, and we will not let this destroy our family. We are redefining our family, not ending it.

To be clear, there will be no Team Wendy or Team Hunt. There is ONLY Team Foster and we ask that you stay on it and continue to support us.