Palms Up

The month of February was one of self-reflection and healing for me. My reading list was focused around faith-based books. I found Loves Does by Bob Goff and highly recommend it. It was in this gem I learned the practice of “Palms Up”.

You simply cannot be upset when you sit with your hands palms up on your lap. Balled up fists and crossed arms builds up angst, anxiety but staying palms keeps you open to giving and receiving openly. I used this practice during the mediation process Hunt and I entered into as part of our divorce.  It worked. Divorce can be ugly, it can be messy; it is our intent to not live that reality. We are entering this new chapter of our lives “palms up”. I invite you to do the same.

Redefining Our Family

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Today Hunt and I filed for divorce. We made this decision together a few months ago but wanted to finalize the sale of our home before we filed.  We have been married 16 years. 

First and foremost: the kids are okay. We told them soon after we made our decision and they took it very well. After the tears and hugs we all went to eat dinner together and talked about the future with smiles and hopeful thoughts.

Second: Hunt and I are okay. We are happy and content. We are friends and have each other’s best interest at heart. We truly do. There is no drama or angst.

I am the one who did the actual filing. I printed off the papers, signed three copies for the court and walked to the courthouse. I stepped to the district clerk window and handed in the papers. She looked back at me, “It’s uncontested?”, she asked surprised. I responded yes and took a seat awaiting further instructions.

There were two other women in the waiting area. One was obviously a lawyer in a skirt with a briefcase and sensible heels. The other woman, her client, was an older woman who wore her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She was dressed nicely and without make-up. I gave her a simple smile and she stared back at me with tears streaming down her face. The tears didn’t stop when she looked away from me and stared straight ahead.

I realized again how lucky I am to have Hunt by my side in this new journey and not on an opposing side. They called my name and I was directed to go upstairs to another office to finish the filing. I looked back at the unknown woman and walked to her. I touched her folded hands and told her I would pray for her. She looked up through her tears and said, “thank you and I for you”.

Twenty minutes and a check later the paperwork was filed. The county employee was kind and empathetic as she explained next steps and instructions. Our divorce is final in 60 days. We will see the judge on the 61^st day to complete the process.

I called Hunt as I left the courthouse. Now it was me with the tears in my eyes and a lump in my stomach. We talked and assured each other we will be okay. It sucks but it is what it is, and we will not let this destroy our family. We are redefining our family, not ending it.

To be clear, there will be no Team Wendy or Team Hunt. There is ONLY Team Foster and we ask that you stay on it and continue to support us.

A glimpse in our life

From September 26, 2007:

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…”  

If you stood at the base of my stairs you would hear me softly singing those words off key, out of tune but still singing.  I have adopted that as Ella’s song.  She does not seem to mind.  

“You make me happy when skies are gray”.  

As a baby, she did not like to be rocked.  Ella preferred to be laid down and left alone at the first sign of sleepiness.  Yes, she was an easy baby and yes, I counted all my blessings but a part of me wanted to have that down time with my baby girl. 

“You’ll never know dear, how much I love you”.  

At 15 months, she wants that down time with me I used to crave.  I cannot simply lay her down, unless she is extremely tired.  No, my baby likes to be held close, rocked and serenaded by her tone-deaf mother.  With the lights off, we sit and I begin to slowly rock and sing.  Her legs wrapped around my waist, her blonde curls rest on my left shoulder with her right arm wrapped around my neck.  I watch her body rise and fall and with each breath I inhale and release.  Sometimes she plays with my hair while sucking her thumb.  She usually turns her head and looks at me after two times through the song, she smiles and I know then it is okay to lay her down. In those two verses, I find peace and we know love. 

 “Please don’t take my sunshine away"

Last night:

"It's time. It's time. It's time to go to bed"

My kids have accepted that a part of their mom (me) will always be a high school cheerleader and old school rap fan. In an effort to make bed time less painful and more fun, I made up a rap that changes nightly and one that neither Rob Base or LL Cool J will ever be envious of or care to hear. The lyrics flow differently depending on day's tone or the activities planned for tomorrow. Both of them like it even if they think it is corny. 

"Its time to brush those dirty teeth and lay down those sleepy heads"

My kids eat well enough but the little one has a sweet tooth that is hard to control. It is also hard to patrol tooth brushing but some how it gets done. Each child goes to their room or sometimes if Ella is feeling extra nice she allows her brother to join her in hers. Both are in bed clothes and under the covers as I walk to turn off the light.

"I said, it's time, it's time, its to close your eyes"

I walk back and sit on each of the quilt covered twin beds, tuck stray hair either behind an ear or out of a closed eye, whisper "I love you" in their ears and then together we pray. 

"You've got in bed, we said our prayers, no time for lullabies"

Except, there was. 

"Mommy??" 

"Yes, baby girl"

"Please just one song."

"Okay, what will it be?"

In unison they said, "You are my sunshine!!!"

"Please don't take my sunshine away" 

The more things change the more they stay the same. E is 10 now her legs are almost as long as mine and fitting her on my lap is not easy. B turns 7 next week. Both are tall and strong and gifted; they will forever be my sunshine and there is ALWAYS time for one song. I'll have to change the rap again.