A Working Mother's Confession

How do working mothers do it?  Easy answer: we don't.  Most of us anyway.

We fail miserably at trying to do it all.  We cover up the shame of failing to be perfect on all fronts with  smiles and play dates in the park on weekends while we check our phones between pushes on the swings.  Our children are used to "breakfast dinners" because we did not get to the store this week.  Maybe that is just me but I doubt it.

Newsflash:  There is no such thing as work/life/balance.  It is a crock of crap with a side of whatever thrown in for fun.

Everyday I feel like I climb on a square piece of plywood balancing atop one of my kids' kickballs that was left in the hallway.  It is the same ball  I nearly broke my neck on when I got up at 6AM to answer the cry for "MOMMMMMY" in my sleep derived state of being. Once I climb atop the ball it is all about trying to achieve balance but there is not an equal distribution so its not a steady ride.

Get the kids dressed for school, breakfast eaten, make myself presentable, feed the dog, kiss the husband and deliver the kids to the people who will raise them for me for the next 8 hours.  The board has been tilted to the "Family" side until the moment I get back into my car without a child kicking the back of my car seat.  In that moment, the board tilts some to another side called "Work".  The Board will continue to tilt back and forth in the work connection long after I have left the work day.  That is just the way it is when you are building a business.  Same is true for "Family" when I take time in the day to schedule play dates and summer camps, talk to my parents or sister, or have a parent teacher conference.  At some point, my board will tip to "me" side when I do some online banking, call a friend or take two minutes to look online for some cute summer sandals.  In the silent moments, the tiny but meaningful moments that I make for myself to breathe and pray my balance turns to "Faith".

The different phases of our work days are not segmented, they flow together and allow for no rest on the shore while we try to swim in the sea of chaos. The end of the day brings exhaustion.  As I prepare for bed, I give myself permission to step off that make shift balance ball if I haven't already fallen off the dang thing and stand firm on my own feet.  I ask for the strength to leave the ball home tomorrow and have the courage to put one foot in front of the other and take the day as it comes not as I expect/want/need it to be.  Perhaps tomorrow is day I will actually do it.

My attempts at perfection has brought me the gifts of endurance, humility and a stronger faith in God.  I am cannot be everything to everyone.  I know this is true but I will keep trying to be the best person I was created to be, whatever that is.

Today, obviously I was not meant to be the perfect mommy because my explanation of why ice cream is not suitable for breakfast fell flat and resulting in a Level 8 tantrum.  Life :1, Wendy: 0 thus far but I have a few more hours in this day to beat that score....

Celebrating and Remembering Friendship

These pictures may not look like they have anything in common except that they both include people I love and are of utmost importance in my life.  But they do.

My mom (pictured on the right in black) lost her childhood best friend Nancy McDaniel (also pictured) in December.  I saw her heart break and I also saw her gain immeasurable strength from the friendship they shared since nearly birth that allowed her to eulogize her friend at her funeral.  It was a powerful moment and not lost on anyone in the room that day.  Today I know my mom misses her best friend but  she also knows she is a better person because she had Nancy in her life and would rather go this grief of losing her than not have befriended and loved her at all.

Last night I was scheduled to help host a dinner but things fell through at the last moment.  I drove home and my family had gone to eat without me as they are so used to doing during these last days of the legislative session.  I called one of my best friends, Emilee (pictured left with me), who was in town for work.  She and I tried to connect all day and could not make things work.

Just as God planned it, she was walking back to her hotel and was open for dinner.  We ate, drank, talked and talked and talked some more.  Fears, hopes, dreams spilled from our mouths and instead of sitting on a patio in the Capitol city we could have just as easily been on a tailgate in either of the small towns we call home.

The stress peeled off of us and we were just two best friends talking without judgement, reservation or caring what the other thought because it did not matter.  The insecurities that would cause us to care were removed years ago during late night parties, talks, bachelorette parties, weddings, babies and too many other occasions to list.  Apologies are not needed and support is unquestioned.

Long story short:  my heart breaks for my mom today even more today than it did in December.  My heart is bursting with blessings that include Emilee, Lori, Amy, Shelley, and DeeDee.  I cannot imagine life without them and God willing I will not have to any day soon.

Em and I joked that we hope to be friends until we are so old that we do not even remember each other then we could be new best friends and start the discovery process all over again.  She added we will also be the women who will press our Medic Alert buttons just to get to see the hot EMS guys that may show up.  Cheers to that!

Nancy was a second mother to be growing up.  She taught me so much during her life and she is continuing to teach me things in her death.  Friendship and family are awesome but when your friends become part of your family and your family members become your friends..... now THAT is something special.

Blessings!