I held in my hands two 11x17 pieces of white paper that were covered in yellow bpaint. The irregular and semi circled brush strokes were the artistic work of my three year old. They were covered from edge to edge with bright yellow paint. She was so proud of her work and I tried to be as enthusiatic as she deserved me to be but was very curious what the heck she was trying to paint. I held them up facing her and asked, "what do you want me to see in these, baby girl?".
"Mom, it is part of the sun, silly", was her response. Of course it was, of course, how could I possibly miss that! A part of the sun....not THE sun. Of course! I just did not see the bigger picture and was trying to focus on the concrete not the abstract. I also did not consider the perspective of a small child. "It would take too much paper to paint the whole sun", then she ran off leaving me to digest her words and smile. My baby girl is smart.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight, "that is one of my favorite scriptures. We must concentrate on the bigger picture not rely on what is of this world, the concrete. We must also remember the world is made up of perspectives and we all see things a bit different from our neighbors. My baby girl is so smart!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Show Me the Love
This picture is making its way around my familial circles and I have to admit I am pushing it. I love this photo. This is my E and her baby brother and it accurately depicts their relationship....she is oblivious to him. At 3.5 years old it is all about her and he lives around her life but not really in it yet. This picure was taken Easter morning. I was hoping for the perfect picture to send to the grandmothers and put in a frame on my mantle. I delicately placed my infant child in his big sister's loving arms. He was cooing at the time and then......I asked her to please support his head. My actual words were please "hold his head". She did. He did not like it. I clicked the camera then saved him from her "loving embrace".
E will be a great big sister. Today she does not really want to hold her brother. After hearing me gripe about his diapers leaking her continuing fear is that he will pee on her. One day she will want to be around him, one day she will be protective and she will voluntarily support him, all of him, not just his head. I still will not be able to promise that he will not pee on her but that's the risk you take with a little brother.
Monday, April 5, 2010
The Reason for It All
I wrote these paragraphs in the weeks prior to my water breaking at 28 weeks:
-----------
My skin is crawling off of my bone, painful to touch and burning from the inside out. The weight of the world is resting on my mind and shoulders. How does one navigate your way through the darkness of the endless night? My answer is prayer to heal my spirit and Motrin to calm my body. My conversation with God ended with no verbal answer only a view of the rising sun. I have been told that sleep is God’s request to “trust me”. I do and so I did. ---Wendy Foster Jan. 2010
-----------
6 Ft Small
Weeds surround me and the sun finds its way to my face. The warmth feels solid. I can smile in the sun; it is when the shadows overtake my space that I begin to shrink. My hair blows in the breeze and the stray hairs, like fingers, grip my face. I stand frozen. The stings of the weeds quickly lull my skin’s sensitivity to a numbness that is both comfortable and nauseating. If I were taller maybe I could see a path in the field before me. Perhaps the wake of steps taken by those before me, perhaps a predestined path could be seen with help of the same breeze that freely tosses my hair about if I could only see. Oh, what I would give to be 6ft tall. Wendy Foster Jan. 2010
------------
I know stress played into B's prematurity and have vowed to not ever let stress get to me that deeply again. I once read when you start to stress you should ask the question, "just who do you think you are?". Do you think whatever you do today will really make that huge of a difference in the eyes of God? Really, is your presentation, your writing assignment, your choice of dress, food, etc going to change anything in this world on a grand scheme. That resonated with me and then I forgot it when things started piling up and my to do list not only did not get done but was not being touched. I began to think my job what more important than anything else even forgetting about the gift of life I was carrying inside me.
It is scary I got to that place but I did and today am a better woman, mother and wife for it. The bedrest was an answer from God and a lesson for me. He can knock me flat at any time while protecting and saving me at the same time. "Be still and know I am God". I used that as a mantra while on bedrest and am having the words hung in my office to relfect on when faced with stress. I have witnessed and felt the power of God. To those who question Him, His presence or His power just have them come talk to me.
-----------
My skin is crawling off of my bone, painful to touch and burning from the inside out. The weight of the world is resting on my mind and shoulders. How does one navigate your way through the darkness of the endless night? My answer is prayer to heal my spirit and Motrin to calm my body. My conversation with God ended with no verbal answer only a view of the rising sun. I have been told that sleep is God’s request to “trust me”. I do and so I did. ---Wendy Foster Jan. 2010
-----------
6 Ft Small
Weeds surround me and the sun finds its way to my face. The warmth feels solid. I can smile in the sun; it is when the shadows overtake my space that I begin to shrink. My hair blows in the breeze and the stray hairs, like fingers, grip my face. I stand frozen. The stings of the weeds quickly lull my skin’s sensitivity to a numbness that is both comfortable and nauseating. If I were taller maybe I could see a path in the field before me. Perhaps the wake of steps taken by those before me, perhaps a predestined path could be seen with help of the same breeze that freely tosses my hair about if I could only see. Oh, what I would give to be 6ft tall. Wendy Foster Jan. 2010
------------
I know stress played into B's prematurity and have vowed to not ever let stress get to me that deeply again. I once read when you start to stress you should ask the question, "just who do you think you are?". Do you think whatever you do today will really make that huge of a difference in the eyes of God? Really, is your presentation, your writing assignment, your choice of dress, food, etc going to change anything in this world on a grand scheme. That resonated with me and then I forgot it when things started piling up and my to do list not only did not get done but was not being touched. I began to think my job what more important than anything else even forgetting about the gift of life I was carrying inside me.
It is scary I got to that place but I did and today am a better woman, mother and wife for it. The bedrest was an answer from God and a lesson for me. He can knock me flat at any time while protecting and saving me at the same time. "Be still and know I am God". I used that as a mantra while on bedrest and am having the words hung in my office to relfect on when faced with stress. I have witnessed and felt the power of God. To those who question Him, His presence or His power just have them come talk to me.
La Vida Loca
Who knew that I would count my time to use separate shampoo and conditioner as luxury time? The 2 in 1 stuff is great but when it is not a choice to use it you begin to resent it. Silly? Perhaps, but such is my life these days. To the outside world I am "normal". I am walking upright with a baby in my arms while chasing a beautiful, healthy three year old. Inside I am two blinks away from a catatonic sleep, the kind that would make Snow White jealous. My body aches from readjusting to, well, movement. Bedrest recovery is a challenge to say the least. I took a pain killer left over from B's delivery Saturday night to ease the aches and allow me to sleep. The Easter weekend in our neighborhood is a full contact sport and not for the weak. We went from sun up to sun down. That night I went to sleep smiling and a little less judgemental of Matthew Perry and others who have gotten hooked on the stuff. It was a little bit of Heaven and I was grateful. Don't worry there are only 2 left and no refills. Mom, I will not become a junkie. And once I get realease from my doctor maybe I can start the physical therapy needed to get better and leave he pills behind....after the final two are gone! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)