Is There Life Out There?

Often when I get to the end of my rope: hard work week, busy weekend with active kids, groceries to be bought, bills to be paid, laundry to do and put away, etc.... I start to hum Reba McEntyre's song from so long ago, "Is there life out there".

"Is there life out there, so much she hasn't done.  Is there life beyond her family and her home.  She's done what she should should she do what she dares?  She doesn't want to leave she just wonders is there life out there"


Those may not be the exact lyrics but they are what I sing in my head.  I love my family, my kids, my little life in this little corner of this small world.  I love it yet sometimes I just want to scream!!!!!!!

Today I ran to the store for some last minute, unneeded, dinner ingredients.  At the time, we had neighborhood girls over to play with E who were shrieking as 6 years olds do, Boone was whining about being left out, the pile of laundry to put away was giving me an evil eye and I honestly just needed an out.  I got to the store, bought the stuff I told myself I had to have along with a bottle of wine for later and a 12oz. Coke.

Three weeks ago I gave up Coca Cola.  I took up tea and and have been fine but today I just needed a coke.  I told myself 12oz. does not hurt anyone and bought it without a stitch of guilt.  I started home which is about three blocks away but instead of making the turn to my house I kept going.  I found a shaded spot a couple of blocks up, rolled down my windows, opened up the local magazine I picked up, popped the top on that coke can and simply took time to enjoy being me.  Was this selfish?  Absolutely.  Do I care?  Absolutely not.  The whole episode took no more than 20 minutes but I was a changed person (although the song is still in my head).

Most of society has adopted time outs as a way to discipline your children.  When needed, the child is seated in an out of the way place and told to breathe, calm down and take a time out.  The child sees this as punishment.  It is ironic.  The same timeout a child fears is the one thing a mother craves.  So today I took mine.

The babies are now in bed, dinner is cleaned up and my wine glass is filled.  AHHHHHH!  I am breathing, I am collecting myself after dropping pieces of sanity across my home all day and although the song is still playing in my head I can now just enjoy the tune.  Cheers!

Reconnection and it feels so good

A childhood friend of mine posted an old photo online today.  It was a framed photo of her and her 4 closest friends from the 5th or 6th grade.  I recognized the faces because they were my friends too.  The only problem is I was not in the picture.  My family moved after I was in the fourth grade.  I commented on the photo that if my family had stayed I would have been in the picture.  It made me a little sad and brought back the feelings I had after we moved about how much I missed my friends.

My "new" life was great and I have lifetime friends from that part of my life as well but you never forget your firsts and I haven't.

The friend who posted the picture is someone I still consider my best friend from early childhood.  It is a blessing that she and I have reconnected via Facebook of all things.  The photo got me thinking about how different my life could have been and could be.  I do not live with regrets and admittedly have lead a blessed and full life but it could have been much different.  I will not allow my mind to go further than that; it would be pointless.  

I am connected to each of my early childhood friends and am keeping my fingers crossed we can do a reunion at some point in the future.  Imagine all we have to discuss since the fifth grade to the present.  I love that no matter the miles that separate you if it is meant to be you will always find your way to back to those who love you and who you love.  Cheers to my Mid Valley friends!

Some days you are a cricket...

I stepped on a few crickets today.  I was not trying to be cruel and was not blood thirsty but I live in Austin and the city is being invaded by the little creatures.  The Capitol is worst than most spots in the city and that is where I have been the past 2 days.  You cannot walk more than a few steps without encountering one.  My son hates bugs and is having a very difficult time adjusting to the new jumping visitors he encounters on sidewalks around the city.

As I heard the familiar crush of the cricket's exoskeleton under the toe of my designer heels and saw the yellowish guts spread out when pressure was applied I realized I have something in common with the little guys- some days you are the cricket and some days you are the shoe.  Lately, I have felt more like a cricket.  I am at a crossroads with my life/career and feel pressure from all sides.  Every working mother can identify with what I mean.  This morning I was in a Capitol office visiting with a good friend and a cricket made his presence known during the short visit.  My friend was totally distracted so I got up to step on the bug and get him out of the conversation.  I swear he danced around my shoe.  No matter what angle I tried he would narrowly escape and jump to the other side of my shoe.  My friend even commented on the little dance until ultimately my size 10 won over his will to live.

It was then that I recognized the similarity of my life to his insect world.  I spend my day jumping around trying to get where I want to go sometimes even dancing around issues to avoid the interaction I am dreading to have and ultimately I get crushed by the weight of my day.  It is only after I get home with my family and dip into the cold water of the neighborhood swimming pool that I come back to life and find the will to go on and make another go at it tomorrow.

I am working on finding my way to the grassy area where no shoe will crush me and I wish the same for the crickets; however, I will continue to crush any that come under my foot.   My son appreciates my efforts to get them out of his way.

Damn Weeds

First,  apologies to my father.  I actually bought these "weeds" for a centerpiece for my birthday party.  Growing up as a cotton farmer's daughter I should know better but honestly the selection at Randalls is less than ideal.  Really it was all they had besides roses and I did not want roses for my birthday.

I remember vividly my dad cursing the weeds in the corn fields while I looked out the window and saw a spattering of cornflowers.  "Damn weeds" will always be in my head.

Even now at thirty seven I bought these with a twinge of guilt. I carefully cut their stems and silently offered a prayer for all the field crops that succumbed to the relatives of plants I held in my hands.

My little neighborhood party was a success.  The flowers died the next week.  All is right in the world again.

Happy Birthday to Us (Air Kiss)

As of tomorrow, my family will have celebrated 3 birthdays.  Momma is tired.  Where has the time gone?  I am 37 (gulp).  To begin this new chapter of my life I choose to do something drastic, I gave up drinking Coke.  No, seriously I really did.  I has been about 16 days.  I will admit I cheated an had a little on Sunday but it was for medicinal purposes, I swear.  And I only drank about 1/3 of the $1 McDonald's Coke and poured the rest out on the curb.  The caffeine withdrawal has not been too terrible because I have begun drinking ice tea.  I order unsweetened and I add my only small amount of sugar just to make myself feel in control.  The shakes have been minimal and the 5 pounds I have lost far make up for the migraines.  5lbs!!!

My birthday was Sunday.  H was in a bad mood so I literally put my "Birthday Girl" crown on my head that was left over from the 5 year old's party last year.  I wore it all day (except church) even to the grocery store.  People are so nice when they realize you are royalty.  I then called my neighbors and told them homemade ice cream would be served at 530.  It was delicious.  And wearing my "Kiss the cook" apron with my crown was a great idea.  Everyone followed the direction and greeted me like we lived in LA with at least an air kiss being given upon entrance.  It was a grand evening.  H needs to learn I can throw a heck of a party with or without him.  Some days he is just lucky to get an invite. :)

Tomorrow my baby girl turns 6 years old (double gulp).  I remember when she was 6 days late and I had convinced myself that she was holding out because she did not want to meet me.  I just knew after listening to me for 9 months or 5 months- when do babies grow their ears anyway?--she had heard enough and thought she could do better.  I am totally serious.  After all, I had already survived Baby Anorexia.  That, of course, is when you are starving but cannot eat because you know you will puke it up.  There is no need to look it up, I came up with the name myself and have not had time to add it to Wikipedia yet.  I swear it exists.  I think I even emailed Oprah offering to come onto her show and discuss this REAL problem that was not discussed in polite circles.  She ended her show before we could work out our schedules.......

E eventually entered this world screaming and has not stop making her presence known since then.  I told her on Saturday we were going to church Sunday morning and her first response was, "I know just what dress to wear".  That's my girl.  Of course, it was a black velvet number that I had to explain was reserved for Christmas and Winter occasions.  That was a fight (she is MY daughter and a bit hard headed and opinionated) but eventually the red checked, sleeveless watermelon applique number won out.  Never underestimated the power of momma..... or blackmail with the promise of homemade ice cream later.

Happy birthday to all the Geminis out there.  May both your personalities have enjoyed your special day.  B, my Pieces son, has adopted all of our birthdays as his.  It works for him, he is 2.  There is plenty of time for him to get to celebrate just once a year when, of course, we will have ice cream.