“Mommy look!!!” I lifted my head up just in time to see Ella spinning herself, stomach down on the doctor’s chair with legs lifted high and arms stretched out. She got through one rotation before hitting the exam table and starting in with the expected tears. B, at this time, is screaming that he wants to go home. “No doctor Mommy, no doctor”.
Ella recovered in seconds and decided B may stop screaming if the lights were turned off. Then laugh if they were turned on…. A disco effect was soon in play and B was officially freaked out and climbing up in my arms for safety. I am yelling at E to stop it and telling B to calm down. Where was the damn doctor?
B went from being sprawled on the floor kicking to trying to turn the door knob while on his tippie toes. He also spent a lot of his time pulling at my knees saying “Up Mommy, get up” with a very stern look on his face like “Are you not hearing me woman?????” The only time he was calm was if I stood up held him. I would have done that all day if my sciatic nerve was not threatening me to seize up at my next movement. I could not stand up and hold 32 pounds. It just was not happening. Ella was trying to help but she keep trying to discipline B by saying, “Little boys who scream don’t get Christmas.” That was not helping his screams and damn those Love and Logic parenting classes. I must be using that line of reasoning (Little children who ____ don’t get ____” ) too much for E to catch on to it so quickly. I tried to make a mental note.
By the time the doctor walked in 25 minutes late she found me sitting with my head buried in my hands while my elbows were resting on my knees, barefoot on her exam room floor. B was lying in front of the door screaming for a baseball that was left in the car. Ella was lying on the exam table like a patient waiting for an exam. She had just explaining to B he was not having to get a shot…until he was 4 then he would get LOTS of shots. Bstopped screaming for his baseball, looked at me and said “No shots, no shots, Mommy!!!!” The screaming resumed. I laughed; it was all I could do. I was tired. B returned to the floor.
He was knocked by the opening door and he scrambled to my lap. The crying instantly stopped. The doctor opened with her usual perky, “How are we in here?” I answered with my smart ass comment of, “do you have a doctor’s note on why you’re late?”; she politely laughed as did I but I was completely serious.
B has a hernia and will need day surgery to have it repaired. He doesn’t care; the doctor gave him a bouncy ball after the appointment so he is happy for now. Ella was upset she was left out (who knew day surgery was so popular?) so she also got a ball and now I had 2 happy kids. Great.
We loaded up and heading somewhere to waste time for an hour until Ella had her doctor’s appointment. I tried driving a while to try and get them asleep but with $4 a gallon gas I couldn’t afford to go too far so I opted instead for a playground near E’s appointment but not before finding a Sonic for a large coke. The kids of course, woke from their drowsy state while in the drive through and asked for food. Two Wacky Packs and one large Coke later we found the playground. There was a shaded bench for me and lots of room for the kids to burn some energy. We parked, unloaded, and brushed all the French fries that were spilled from the Wacky Pack out of my car then made the 200 meter walk to the playground. I got seated, opened my iPad to read and notice E walking up to me. “I have to go potty, Mommy”. She did not like my suggestion of picking out a tree to go behind so we loaded up AGAIN, wrestled the park’s basketball out of B’s hands- he is screaming again- and head off to find a potty. I decided to go straight to her appointment; there is a potty there and a very small playground in the back year area of the office. We unloaded again; I found a place in the shade, B jumped directly into a sand-pit type area (I offered a silent prayer that it was okay for him to play in it). I pointed E to the potty and she looked at me straight faced, “I don’t have to go anymore”. WHAT?
E and B went off to play in some Bamboo trees that lined the yard. Apparently, she also gave him a lesson on Presidents because soon she went back to her appointment and Boone was trying to whack down trees. I got up and ran to him grabbing the stick he was using as a dull axe telling him to stop and asked what he was trying to do. He replied, “I Abe Lincoln, Mommy”.
I jerked him up while thinking “my kid is a genius” and brought him with me for a time out. He was quiet….too quiet…. He was sipping my coke. Nice.
The day eventually ended. I convinced the kids it was bedtime at 730. Lights were out all over the house by 9PM. I survived.
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