How do working mothers do it? Easy answer: we don't. Most of us anyway.
We fail miserably at trying to do it all. We cover up the shame of failing to be perfect on all fronts with smiles and play dates in the park on weekends while we check our phones between pushes on the swings. Our children are used to "breakfast dinners" because we did not get to the store this week. Maybe that is just me but I doubt it.
Newsflash: There is no such thing as work/life/balance. It is a crock of crap with a side of whatever thrown in for fun.
Everyday I feel like I climb on a square piece of plywood balancing atop one of my kids' kickballs that was left in the hallway. It is the same ball I nearly broke my neck on when I got up at 6AM to answer the cry for "MOMMMMMY" in my sleep derived state of being. Once I climb atop the ball it is all about trying to achieve balance but there is not an equal distribution so its not a steady ride.
Get the kids dressed for school, breakfast eaten, make myself presentable, feed the dog, kiss the husband and deliver the kids to the people who will raise them for me for the next 8 hours. The board has been tilted to the "Family" side until the moment I get back into my car without a child kicking the back of my car seat. In that moment, the board tilts some to another side called "Work". The Board will continue to tilt back and forth in the work connection long after I have left the work day. That is just the way it is when you are building a business. Same is true for "Family" when I take time in the day to schedule play dates and summer camps, talk to my parents or sister, or have a parent teacher conference. At some point, my board will tip to "me" side when I do some online banking, call a friend or take two minutes to look online for some cute summer sandals. In the silent moments, the tiny but meaningful moments that I make for myself to breathe and pray my balance turns to "Faith".
The different phases of our work days are not segmented, they flow together and allow for no rest on the shore while we try to swim in the sea of chaos. The end of the day brings exhaustion. As I prepare for bed, I give myself permission to step off that make shift balance ball if I haven't already fallen off the dang thing and stand firm on my own feet. I ask for the strength to leave the ball home tomorrow and have the courage to put one foot in front of the other and take the day as it comes not as I expect/want/need it to be. Perhaps tomorrow is day I will actually do it.
My attempts at perfection has brought me the gifts of endurance, humility and a stronger faith in God. I am cannot be everything to everyone. I know this is true but I will keep trying to be the best person I was created to be, whatever that is.
Today, obviously I was not meant to be the perfect mommy because my explanation of why ice cream is not suitable for breakfast fell flat and resulting in a Level 8 tantrum. Life :1, Wendy: 0 thus far but I have a few more hours in this day to beat that score....
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2 comments:
I. Can. Totally. Relate. At least you have the right thing prioritized. God is molding you into what He needs you to be. And, to your kids, you are the most amazing woman! You ARE doing it all... don't be so hard on yourself! <3
Great post... I feel the same way!
I only have one kiddo at the moment, but my time with him gets eaten away because I have a new-ish job, I'm getting my MBA and we're building a house. So in addition to being a good mom, employee and student, I'm also trying to be a good wife, daugther, sister and friend.
Eli and I still say prayers together every night, and we pray together as a family a few nights a week at dinner (yes... we do breakfast-dinners way too often too!), but I know I'm all off-balance with God and a million other things right now.
It's very hard work to be a great working mom!
But I WOULD still love to get together at some point soon for a playdate! :-)
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